Friday, February 13th 2015 Uncategorised
Today I’m going to be talking about something slightly different than usual. In advance, I want to warn that I’ll be talking about body image, and some of it is fairly negative. I absolutely don’t want to upset anyone with what I’ve written – it’s musings about *myself* and I don’t want my opinions about myself to be put on to anyone else. If you’re interested in how I feel about my body image, and how that relates to my interest in makeup and beauty products, then click read more.
One question I get asked often is “why are you so into makeup, and beauty?”. It’s a difficult question to answer – there are so many possible answers for it. The simple one is that it’s fun, and I like changing my appearance with colours. But truly, there is a deeper meaning to it for me. I’m not sure if you readers realise, but I’m a plus size woman – heavy, curvy, fat, whatever you want to call it – I wear about a size 18 in clothes. I haven’t always been this size, the weight has come on (and off, at times) since I started university. To be honest, I’ve hated it. I’ve been really unhappy and angry with myself about my weight, and struggled desperately to control it. At this point in my life, I’m working on embracing body positivity and exercising because I like the feeling of lifting weights, and trying to eat nutritious food.
Since I haven’t been able to exercise control over my weight, one thing I can generally control is the rest of my appearance. My interest in makeup, and hair, and nails, and all of that associated things, is partly an attempt to control how I look. I may be fat, but at least my hair and makeup can look fabulous. I realise this sounds troubling, but it’s not a compulsion – there are still plenty of days where I roll out of bed and am lucky if I comb my hair and slap on some moisturiser before running for the bus. Doing my makeup and hair, just helps me to feel better about the way I look, when I’m feeling self conscious about my weight.
Understanding this connection for me, was an interesting breakthrough in my mental relationship towards my weight. I’ve been buying clothes that suit my figure, mainly from City Chic, and also a few things from Forever 21 in Brisbane, and trying to love and embrace the way I look. Blogs like This is Meagan Kerr, and talking with fiercely positive friends like my girl Caitlin (CaitlinKimberley) have been helping with this big time. It’s going to be a lifelong thing for me I think, with the pervasiveness with the media and cultural ideals telling me that my body shape isn’t right, and that I should be desperately changing it. For now, I’m pretty happy using makeup as an armour of sorts.
If people feel comfortable, I’d love to know if anyone else has this sort of attitude? Is makeup an armour, or a mask for you, like it is for me? I know it’s a really personal matter, so feel free to email me – lena at lenatalksbeauty.com. Of course, if you feel open enough, I’d love to discuss this in the comments section. I feel pretty nervous publishing this, but I just have this need to get this out in the open, and I’m not quite sure why – mainly to see if others can relate.